The internet can be a scary place, when it comes to sex. There are videos and articles being uploaded every second and it can be difficult to wade through all of the stuff that isn’t for you, to find the right advice. It almost seems as though, good advice about sex for normal couples is hard to come by, especially when everything seems to focused on the kinky, 50 shades of gray kind of love that has taken the world by storm.
What do you do though, if that kind of thing isn’t for you? Where can you turn to for advice when you want to spice things up without burning yourself in the process? The simple answer is here. This article is crammed with 11 tips perfect for every kind of couple, from those who like to play it safe, to those who like a bit of adventure between the sheets.
1. Communicate with your partner
Sex is an incredibly physical act, so it might come to you as a surprise that actually, there needs to be some talking too. It’s unfortunate that sex is considered as such a taboo subject in many places in the world. It shouldn’t be. The act of making love between two people shouldn’t pass without at least speaking a little about it.
Communicating with your partner about your sex life is vital if you want it to be fulfilling for both your partner and you. It’s impossible to know for sure what your partner likes or dislikes if you’re not communicating with each other and this can get frustrating down the line. Good communication can ensure that you are both getting your needs met and to be brutally honest, if you are capable of having sex, then you should be capable of talking about it.
2. Always be in the moment
It’s really common to feel self-conscious when you expose your body and self to another person. The thing is though, feeling self-conscious can cause stress and stress doesn’t make for a good time in the bedroom. Sure, you might have put on a little weight recently, or maybe you don’t look great from a certain angle, but trust me, the person your with doesn’t care about that. They are already in bed with you, probably feeling the same way about their own body.
When it comes to sex, you should be losing yourself in the feelings that the moment is bringing to you. You should be embracing the good time. You shouldn’t be wasting all of your time and energy trying to cover wobbly bits that the other person doesn’t care about.
3. Be supportive
There is nothing worse than totally quiet sex. It doesn’t matter if you’ve done something a hundred times before; your partner needs to know that you are enjoying yourself. A small muttering of appreciation and support can really give a person the confidence boost they need.
4. Try new things
If you already struggle with confidence in the bedroom, then trying new things can be really daunting. That doesn’t mean though, that you should simply give up. Even the smallest of changes can really spice things up in the bedroom. It doesn’t have to be anything dark or domineering; you could simply wear new underwear in your partner’s favourite color or try a new position that varies a little from what you both usually do.
5. Be comfortable
If you’re not comfortable then there really isn’t any point. Sex should be about enjoying yourself. It shouldn’t be spent wishing for the end to come. If your partner wants to try something, which makes you feel uncomfortable, then don’t force yourself to try it. If your partner isn’t supportive of that, then know that it is them that are the problem, not you. Everybody has their limits and you shouldn’t feel pressured into breaking yours.
6. Trust the person you’re with
Trust and sex go hand in hand. When it comes to exposing your body and self to a person, you need to trust them. It can be impossible to live in the moment with a person you do not trust, because you are always trying to stay one step ahead of them. More importantly though, sex isn’t some cheap act that is displayed in the media, it shouldn’t be something that is given out to just anybody. The best sex, the really great stuff, can only be had when you totally trust the person you are with and how can you do that, if you’re with a stranger?
7. Don’t be afraid to ask
We all have our own fantasies, but unfortunately, most of us are too afraid to make them a reality. This shouldn’t be the case though. If you are in a loving, respectful relationship, then you shouldn’t be afraid to approach your partner with things you think could be fun. This doesn’t mean that your partner has to do them, as perhaps you might be pushing their limits and you must be respectful of that, but often, you will find that just talking about your fantasies with your partner can lead to hot, steamy sex that lasts all night.
8. Don’t be afraid to research
Sure, the internet can be a scary a place, when it comes to sex, but that doesn’t mean that you should be afraid of it. If your partner has asked for something that you are not sure about, then the internet is a great place to turn to learn the facts.
It is always better to know fully what you are going in to, before you agree to anything. Sometimes sex can be dangerous and can lead to real damage being done, so research can be vital to avoid anything bad happening.
9. Watch porn together
Porn is another subject, along with sex that is seen as incredibly taboo. The simple fact is though, that nearly everybody watches it. Feminist porn especially has seen a huge rise in viewers in the last couple of years, showing that more and more women are breaking the routine and getting themselves in on the action.
Watching porn as a couple can be fantastic, especially if you both have different tastes when it comes to exploration in the sheets. Porn can give you both what you want, without having to cross any boundaries. It also works great as foreplay.
10. Enjoy every minute of it.
Sex is about enjoying your body. If you enjoy something, then make sure that your partner knows. If your partner likes something, then makes sure that you’re doing it. Sex is about pleasure. It’s about forgetting about the rest of world and reminding yourself then life is still good and that the simple things will always outweigh all else. So, make sure that you’re taking your time and enjoying yourself. Don’t let it feel like a burden or a chore to you. If it does, then mix things up, so you can feel that fresh sense of excitement again.
11. Explore your own body
Masturbating can be a great way of learning what you like and what you don’t like. If you don’t have the confidence to try something with your partner, try it with yourself first to see whether or not you like it. Giving yourself pleasure can reduce a lot of the stress, which comes from being self-conscious and can give you a real taste for the things that you do like.
Sex is all about feeling comfortable and confident around the person you’re with. It’s about being supportive and feeling, as though you can try new things without judgement. Building a solid foundation of trust between you and your sexual partner can be a great way to increase not only the intimacy of the act, but your overall enjoyment.
The important thing to remember though is that sex is about having fun and feeling good. If it doesn’t feel good for you, then don’t force yourself to continue. You have nothing to prove and everything to gain by speaking up and making your wants and needs known.