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What is Sapiosexuality? – Signs you might be Sapiosexual

You’re not the only one confused about sapiosexuality. Despite being more aware of LGBTQ+ identities, it is still a topic that rarely gets discussed. This is everything you need about being sapiosexual.

What is sapiosexual?

Sapiosexuals are emotionally and physically influenced by intelligence. Sapiosexuals believe intelligence is more attractive than looks and personality, and they value it more than potential partners’ personalities.

“Sapiosexuality” is a sexual orientation that is marked by sexual and erotic attraction to potential partners who, first and foremost are intelligent,” sex therapist Casey Tanner tells mbg. “In these cases intelligence is the true ‘turn-on’ and not the status, job or financial benefits that may accompany intelligence.

A sapiosexual individual is an individual who finds the mind and intelligence to be their most attractive attribute for a possible sexual relation. They are essentially in tune with the sexual desire of another individual. It is interesting to note that sapiosexuals tend to use their intellect in a more cerebral fashion, as opposed to others who use their instinctual urges. Their cerebral style of approach is generally more in tune with how they want to be stimulated rather than how they need to be stimulated. So, a sapiosexual male is generally much more concerned with stimulating another individual than with satisfying a need.

Signs of sapiosexuality

1. Potential partners are more attracted to their intelligence than their personality or looks.

According to Kryss, LMSW and dual-licensed social worker, Sapiosexuals are attracted to or turned on most by an individual’s intellect. She says that a sapiosexual may be more interested discussing books and politics with someone than in trying to start a sexual relationship right away. They may have an online dating profile that is more focused on their academic career than on finding someone to have sex with.

Sapiosexuals are those who find themselves most attracted to the intellect of others.

2. Intellectual conversations are a great way to keep your mind open.

Sapiosexuals don’t just love their potential partner’s intellect, they are also often drawn to intelligence. Sapiosexuals are also attracted to long discussions on literature or political debates.

Tanner states that intelligence is not just an attractive partner for sapiosexuals; it is intelligence that drives arousal. “Sapiosexuals enjoy intellectual conversation, but they may also feel aroused.”

3. Before you think about sex, it is important to have an intellectual conversation.

Most sapiosexuals will not feel at ease with a partner or get intimate with them unless they have had a long, good cerebral chat.

Tanner states that Sapiosexuals might feel it difficult to sexually connect with potential partners until they engage in an intellectual discussion. “Intellectual connection might be more effective foreplay that physical touch.”

It is a sign that you may be sapiosexual if you have trouble connecting with potential partners before you start chatting about books and political views.

4. Your intellectual spark is more important than your emotional spark.

Sapiosexuality is often confused with demisexuality. This orientation is characterized by experiencing only sexual attraction to another person after developing an emotional connection. There is some overlap between these two orientations but there is also a distinct distinction.

Shane explains that sapiosexuality refers to the need for an intellectual attraction to make a sexual connection, and demisexuality to create an emotional connection to make a sexual relationship possible. A sapiosexual is looking for someone at the same intellectual level as them, while a demisexual is looking for someone who shares their feelings and emotions.

Is sapiosexual a real sexual orientation?

Many people still don’t see sapiosexuality in terms of a true orientation, despite sapiosexuality being discussed more frequently in discussions about sexual identity. Many queer people argue that sapiosexuals should not be included under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, as it is not linked to gender preferences in any way that identities like heteroflexible and pansexual are. Some sexuality experts argue that sapiosexuality should be accepted as a valid orientation.

Shane clarifies, “Sapiosexuality does not refer to an orientation. It is about the gender identity or potential partner.” A sapiosexual can identify as straight, gay, bisexual or pansexual. Sapiosexuality refers to how someone develops an attraction to another person. It’s the “how” that makes the attraction happen, not the “who”.

Tanner says, “As a sexual therapist, it is a priority to yuck somebody’s yum,” Tanner continues. Tanner adds, “And I am a queer person so I understand what it is like to have your orientation disregarded. I don’t think it is necessary to make something false for someone else.

Labels are only useful if they make you feel more confident and comfortable with your sexuality. If you feel the term “sapiosexual”, it is valid and appropriate for you.